By Paul Tripp
I think the best kind of leadership is invisible. As I read the Gospels, Jesus never resembles dominant or forceful leadership. That’s the kind of leadership I want in my home. I don’t want my wife, Luella, to feel hampered and crushed by my leadership. It would crush me if she ever did.
I think that leadership isn’t an apparent issue that Luella and I are talking and thinking about all the time because I endeavor to lead her in a way that propels her and encourages her. To lead her in a way that prioritizes her needs and utilizes the gifts that God has given her. I want to meld into the background. Ultimately, I want to to lead invisibly so she does not feel dominated or controlled.
Sadly, there are moments I argue when Luella, when I know she is right. Sometimes the best way for me to lead is to shut up and listen to wisdom from people who are smarter than me, and there are many areas in which Luella is more mature than I am. I value her wisdom and want her to speak into my life. Luella has incredible social, relational, and natural intuition with people. If I don’t listen to her, what I am speaking to people won’t always be received well by how I’m speaking to them.
Luella and I realized that if we’re going to help one another, then we had to give one another permission to cry foul. If I act in a way that is wrong, then I want her to come to me. What this does is alleviates tension in our relationship. There are no closets. We want our home to be a place of peace.
My perspective on leadership in general is that I want to find smart, godly people for my ministry team. People smarter than I am in places because that’s why I need them. People who are godly so that I can trust them and set them free. I don’t want to check up on them three times a day. I like the interchange of ideas, thoughts, and creativity.
Ultimately, my identity is not “leader.” I’m a guy, who is a bit of a mess, who is rescued every day by the gospel, and who God has given some gifts and a platform. I don’t ever want to think that the room revolves around me, either in my home or in my ministry.